phragmentation

I had a great time yesterday with Ronnie and Caryn in Oceanside. i’m not a big socal beach fan, but oceanside was surprisingly nice! on a warm summer friday afternoon the beach outside Ronnie’s door was clean and uncrowded. the water was warm enough to swim in and the waves big enough to have fun, along with a few surfers to provide more entertainment. ronnie’s become an iMovie genius and spent a few hours filming me… we’ll see what becomes of that when the editing is done! caryn is an absolute inspiration: in less than a year she lost 120 lbs — exactly half of her weight — with just exercise and a better diet. i exercise and watch what i eat, but in the last 10 years since bella was born the most i’ve fluctuated is about 15 pounds. she’s so much happier and fun to be around: confident, open, and energetic. a totally different person. so, in less than 24 hours, i see my life in a different light: i need to take care of only me, i can’t change other people, and i have great friends. i’m not lonely and i have nothing to worry about. of course it helps that all the hormones have exhausted themselves finally. when i think about it now, i can barely even remember why i was depressed. i really needed to get away… far enough away to forget about all the events that were making me crazy. and now i’m ready to go home and see david, and be happy.